Kiddie Flicks

As a freelance critic with a full-time day job, I only have time to review one or two movies per week. So when it's time to choose what I'm going to review for the month, I tend to skim over those titles that are geared specifically to kids, while silently pitying the parents who have to accompany their offspring to what I can only imagine is a semi-torturous two-hour babysitting session.

It's not the kids themselves that bother me. In fact, I usually get a little tearful when I see kids having a genuine reaction to what they're seeing onscreen. My real problem is the cranky old lady who's lived inside me since I was a kid myself. I simply don't have patience for the inanity of the onscreen antics cobbled together to cater to short attention spans: fart jokes, bonks on heads, corny kindergarten-level life lessons, etc.

These kinds of movies are easily avoidable for a "civilian" without kids. But for a film critic, it isn't always so easy. Still, I'm a professional and capable of applying my critical skills to a film of any type, right? Sure, but it seems unfair to apply my perspective--one that is severely lacking in little kid input--to a movie that has no intention of pleasing an audience member like me. I have no clue what little kids like. What might scare them. Or what a parent might find unacceptable. What could I possibly add to what a gazillion mommy bloggers and "pro-family" movie review sites already do so effectively?

When I try to tap into my own preferences as a child, I go straight to Mary Poppins, Sound of Music, Annie and the Muppet movies (yes, I'm pumped for Jason Segal's Muppet reboot in November) -- all classics that most adults would enjoy on their own. But you would never have caught me at a "My Little Pony" kind of flick back then. And certainly not today.

But I have no problem getting excited about and reviewing movies geared for kids and adults. You know, a Pixar movie. So I happily included "Cars 2" on my review list for June, and even signed on for an interview with one of the film's directing animators, a San Diego native with a darn cool success story.

I'm not gonna lie, I was expecting greatness. How could I not after the phenomenal run Pixar's had over the last 15 years, culminating in one of the best films of 2010, "Toy Story 3" (my original review here).

Unfortunately, what "Cars 2" delivered was strictly for kids. True, its animation was top notch, but the goofy antics took center stage over story and character. And the character they chose to focus on, Mater, drove me up the wall. Yes, it's true. The Pixar streak (at least for grown-ups) is over.

You can read my "Cars 2" review here and my interview with Pixar animator Victor Navone here.

If you do end up taking your little ones to see it, do me a favor and tell me what THEY thought (and what you thought as well). Consider it field research as a favor. Or dump the kids at the cineplex and rush over to Landmark Hillcrest to catch "Buck," "Midnight in Paris," or even the quirky "Submarine" (my review here). Don't worry, I won't tell.

Whatever you do, enjoy your weekend.